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fuglygirlonthebench's Blog


What is Love?

read this, you will find yourself in it?

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Transformers 4 :Age of Extinction

Well, watched Transformers today. I wasn't a fan when I watched the first and second movie and when the third movie came out, I was so sick of those Autobots. But since Shia La Beouf is no longer in this new movie and it is not centred around some teen love story (too cliched), I decided to give it a chance. And also because there aren't any other movies to watch in the cinema.

I wasn't expecting much because I am not a fan of superhero movies. Good-versus-evil, Saving-the-world-from-destruction (Put on deep voiceover*) kindda movies. And because from the first two films, those robots have voices and I think it made them sound fake in one way or another. Hahhaha. Flips hair* I think it's just me. So, I am the kind of girl who would rather watch a beautiful animation than a violent superhero movie. I am lame, I know. And I was tired of the Witwicky nonsense.

I wasn't expecting much from Transformers. I was like, " Well yeah, just sit back and enjoy the action!" The movie was rather lengthy and to be honest, I wasn't even bored like how it happened with Godzilla. A total waste of money. Transformers is rather good, I have to admit. Ok, very very good. And everyone should watch it. Even fans of How To Train Your Dragon 2. 

It's a good mix of action, drama and humor although some of their lines are so predictable. Got me laughing because I managed to predict and detect when and where they are going to insert their joke. Mark Walhberg was amazing. Heaps better than what La Beouf? But that hot chick is nothing compared to Megan Foxy Fox. Honestly. I am a girl. That new girl is a blonde with a good pair of legs. Yet Megan Fox is still on the top, not that I am a fan of Miss Megan or anything.

minor-spoiler alert!

I was hoping for a bigger and more destructive match between Optimus Prime and Lockdown at the end of the movie. I was anticipating because I am sure the series of fights were just the icing to the cake. I was glued to the screen for the last 45 minutes although well, that was when you can hear nothing but sound effects.

The letdown is that everyone was saved at last. I was hoping that one of them suffer from some serious injuries or something. Everyone walked out like heroes which is not realistic for me.

Overall, watch it. I was as cynical as ever before this and this restores my faith in the Transformers franchise. So, do yourself a favor and watch it. And no, I did not get anything from Michael Bay.  Lol.


 

I feel like a fool

Why would a guy who can get supermodel girls have anything in common with me? To say he likes me? I can never believe such bullshit in this life. I am glad I am strong enough to evade all temptations. He's like a tempt, that's what he is in my life. That's what his purpose/his existence/him crossing paths with me. It's just god's way of showing that what I want may not be necessarily what I need. :( I have learnt my lesson. I feel sad though that I am chosen as the victim.Why me?! Why he did choose to play with my naive/innocent feelings? Thank god I am cold enough. All this teaches me to grow up.

Him

I should never underestimate myself. I shouldn't just say,"Yes" to every guy who tells me they love me. That's just bullshit. If everything in me screaming he's not the one, I shouldn't force myself to carry on just because I am scared to be alone, right? Even he's everything I like,I don't have any feelings for him and that's the most important thing.

I am afraid I would be caught in my own mess. I am afraid that I would end up being the one pinning, because I mess up my own feelings so much. That's creepy. Caught in your mess.

I have to be stoic and unaffected. The moment, I let myself be influenced, everything will go wrong and there's a bigger mess that awaits me. He isn't even serious so there's no point thinking. Because he probably doesn't and is out with all those beautiful crowd. 


All the happy endings are fake and there's no point dreaming of some happily ever after that never and will not exist. Which is just crap. 

Let's toast for the ending of this. The final ending. The final cut. The ending of everything that ever happened. We are strangers once again and he would just be 'someone I used to know'.

out

So, we talked and I told him to find a new, hotter girl and let me go. It's not that I am a lost, he can just get any girl he wants by just lifting his finger. Normally, girls will be amazed by his popularity, good looks and cash. I know many girls are like that, and I think it's not even hard for him to find a prettier, cooler girl. Although it is what I want, I know I will somehow feel inferior and I would compare myself to his new 'pick' even though I have nothing for him. Blame me for being so damn insecure, seriously....I hate myself sometimes. Well, not sometimes, most of the time. 

He is the kind who used to getting what he wants easilly and he is frustrated that I am not reciprocating. He have told me he missed me for like 3 times, I never replied ever. I might seem cold but my body is flashing warning signs every time I see him,it's like he's gonna destroy me in and out, leave me battered, worthless and lying on the floor like a heap of trash. It scares me. He's not the expected kind of guy. He's confident,proud and he knows what he's doing. I am usually confident only when I am in control of the situation. He makes me feel out of control, and I don't like that.

Bet he will forget me in months to come. I will just be the bitch he used to know. He held my hand , and it was swift and quick like he's done it a million times but strangely I don't feel a thing. He said it was a significant. In my heart, I disagreed. He always seem jokey when he said all those things,I doubt whether it's true....But yeah,I think he's done and shown quite a bit to show it's real and I have almost believed him but I guess we would see, whether his crush for me was strong or just because he find me sexually stimulating,which is such a degratory thing for a man to think of a woman.

I think,people like him,switch girls like switching clothes/cars. I wasn't expecting much. Just hope no more awkward moments with him. No more losing myself/confidence in front of him. If he moved on, it's best we remain friends so that we're not awkward/strange towards each other.

My defensive mode is super high whenever I am with him. And he's kindda mean.

The Story of Mr.Alpha Guy/Player

I know, be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it. I got biten
on the ass, literally.

So, the story about Mr. Alpha/Player. He is a jock,over-confident and used to getting what he wants. I don't know why he is preying on me. I feel like a prey everytime I see him, like he's the predator eye-ing me, and I am trying to scurry away and hide somewhere and ignore him forever. But he will not, and he will just linger around, teasing me, playing with my conscience, intimidating me.....wrecking me out. So, I know I needed to put a stop to this. 

The Wrong Guy

It always happens.You like someone but they don't like you. Someone likes you but you don't like them. It's funny but it happens.

Love, Lust or Plain Infatuation?

I have always hated myself. How I looked, my personality, my demeanor, everything about me, it's just not great enough. My parents and friends and everyone else back in my hometown never made me think otherwise.

I have a story to tell and it's weird coming from me, because it's about a Guy. No one would imagine me,the nerd, the social outcast, the depressed lifeless girl has anything to do with a Guy but yes, yes, I do. I am too tired to type it out but I want to keep this feeling,this moment,this thought treasured.

This Guy came up to me, he sent me a text and said he hoped we meet up. Thinking that he has some important things to tell me, I responded. But no, we didn'tplan a date or anything.We just let fate take its course. After a few weeks I guess, I met him. It was awkward. I didn't initiate a conversation because I was totally busy with my assignment. I knew it was him but I was not even bothered to smile. So, he said something and we exchange some awkward moments. A lot of awkward moments actually.

And he left a note, which is very sweet of him saying it was nice meeting me blablabla. It was a first time I read a note and not feel disgusted by it.

We meet for the first time when I was walking and he was driving and he gave me a ride to university. I was really freaked out by him because he looked really badass. Not the kind of guy I would be affiliated with. E-v-e-r. It creeped the hell out of me. But, he turned out to be more immature than I thought. He was kindda mean to me too,I don't know it's nerves or what but he was kindda mean sometimes and I was taken aback yet I did not judge him.

We spoke and I felt that he wasn't the guy I would like,not even close to make him a friend, like we have absolutely NO similarities at all. And I made upmy mind,that he's just crossing my path, the wrong guy, the wrong one. I was disappointed because he wasn't the one and I just gave up like that. Like I don't wanna talk to him/see him anymore.

Reasons I don't like him:
1. He seems flaky
2. He expects a lot when it comes to appearances
3. He studies/observes me too much I feel insecure
4. I suspect he isn't over his beautiful ex-es yet
5. He smokes,party and drinks
6. He is super social
7. He seems like a playboy
8. He probably just wanna do me
9. He's needy and sensitive and emotional
10. No similarities in ideas, thoughts and goals
11. I don't get the way he clicks

And I thought he would just give up but lo and behold, he send me long texts about his feelings about me last night. Well, so surreal I could barely believe those words. Any girl would fall for that but not me. Not me. He just wanna add me to the notch in his belt. He only wants a gf to show off to the world. He is a flake. 

I am upset that out of all guys who reveal their feelings for me, it's HIM. Him. He will leave me the moment a hot junior comes in in the new intake. Just trust me. Let's see.

All he said was a lie, he would wake upand realise how dumb he was, how it was just an infatuation, that he never ever liked me at all. And I am a useless bitch who will grow alone forever. But yeah, thanks for the experience. At leastI have a story to write about.
 

Miss Ugly

For a while now, I have stopped thinking that I am ugly, I have stopped analysing what's wrong with my face. Today, I continued my old habit, which is sad, real sad. I looked into the mirror, stared and studied my face. I looked bad, I looked horrible. I have the ugliest face ever. I looked like a witch. How can someone looked at such yet tell me I am beautiful. It feels like a lie. It makes me even sadder than before, I feel so stupid, for a second, I almost believed him. :/
I know what is pretty. I know I have good taste and my judgement are accurate most of the time. I looked into the mirror and I looked like crap, I am crap, complete, total crap. Not an inch of me is beautiful. I hate my face. I hate myself for looking that way. I wished I was pretty, I wished I was beautiful....

Never Let Me Go



I didn't know this amazing book by Kazuo Ishiguro was made into a movie. But this movie is so beautiful, tragic and disturbing at the same time. It's just amazing. :)

Being with him

Being with him is just to prove myself I am right.I know he might be looking down on me, laughing at me,snickering....but what to do, I am already in this situation.

Reality Strikes

Haven't been myself the past year. Been thrown into a new place, try to change myself but realised I am forever myself, good or bad. Was still insecure and afraid of my true potential.I wonder when could I finally get pass this?
 

I don't know why I am crying

Yes,I havealways wanted to know how it feels like for someoneto love me,this battered soul and God granted my wish but he was the wrong guy. I knew it the first time we talked. I can never fit into his social life.But he was really nice to me and he showered me with lots of attention and care I would and could never get from anyone else. I knew I didn't like him the way he likes me. I knew our'trial relationship' isn't getting anywhere. I knew Iwasn't his type and will never be.

But yet, I felt really sad. I am crying now. Why? Why must I cry over a guy I don't even love/like? I am just sad that something is ending. I hate endings. It's like you get to know a friend, and one day they tell you, let's end this friendship. That's how I felt. Like I've lost something. This past few weeks,it was all about him. Though I intentionally made him hate me and ignored his message,we had a connection no matter how weak the connection is but now, it's all gone. And he will be transferring to a new uni in a months time.

He used to text me good morning and good night. We used to text a lot. But now,it's nothing, nothing. Completely nothing. I just want to move on. I just don't wanna dwell in this. It's just too sad. :(

me












































 

Where is The One?

It's incredibly difficult to find The One. The one that makes you comfortable even at first meeting. The one that fits in with your thoughts, feelings and personality.The one that is most suitable for you. The one that is the kindest, the most loyal,themost caring. The one that understands you.

Well, it's been a while. I am upset The One hasn't appear. I don't think he ever would. That perfect one only exist within my mind,my imagination. Why oh why?



When someone say they love you so much,it's so hard to believe/trust them. If they compliment you all the time,you get happy for a while and then, you start wondering, is he just playing with your feelings? 

He is here to give me a lesson, I know it.



























Whatever that happens to me add up to my experiences in life.

I have stated many times that I am single and no guy has ever shown any interest in me. Be careful what you wish for, cause I got what I somehow 'wished' but it wasn't as sweet/nice/interesting as I think it would be.

A guy told me he likes me. He didn't actually phrased it like that. He told me I had him around my finger. I am kindda cold and stoic as a person and I don't always buy all these sweet talks that guys just let it out to get your affection. In short, I think he wasn't honest, he wasn't sincere because he looks like a player to me.

He told me he liked the way I look and every time I smiled, he died. It may seem sweet to some but I just saw that as a pick-up line, a tactic and I am too stubborn,too heartless...whatever it is to buy all that. 

When we are together, I feel tensed and awkward as we are strangers. He is a somewhat hot senior jock. And I am not used to that kind of attention.
He always gave me support through text whenever I complained about something but I don't actually need his support.

He is very very sensitive and although we aren't even friends nor lovers( we're just in the midst of getting to know each other), he wanted my attention. He is very blunt in his words and I am too.

I don't like clingy, needy people for a start because I am used to being alone. I can handle being ignored. But he can't. I think we can be casual friends but not in a relationship. I seriously believe that he wasn't the one I am looking for.

I don't know how to tell him. I don't wanna hurt people. Because I know how being hurt feels like. But I know, we are from different worlds and although he likes me now, doesn't mean he will like me in the long run.

Our social status don't match. And there's the race issue.

Shit. Human relationships are annoying.

I knew you were trouble

Met a guy.Thought we can be together. But he's TROUBLE. and there it goes...dust in wind. Still i enjoyed the brief attention he gave me...grins :)

Of Love and Life

Seriously pissed for the whole day, I have no idea why! So sick of all those arrythmias and ECG. Shitty stuff! Or maybe I am just very bad at it! My fault, again.

Well, Love and life.I was so positive about it this morning and come everning, I am so tiredof this nonsense. I didn't sign up for Life! I didn't sign up for this crap reliving again and again and again, When am I going to free myself from myself? When can I start living life in the present? When can I start loving life, having hopes and dreams and have lovely things happen to me?

Not yet. I know. Not yet.It's always like that. I need to suffer now for the future, the future. Will I even have a future for God's sake? I don't know!

I am an ugly piece of dirt, crap and shit!!!!!!! I hate myself so much, nobody can understand. I have seen to many bitches and jerks in this life.Seen life being so merciless and unfair. 

I shouldn't complain.I have it much better than anyone else. Yet,everyone has their own demons. Their own troubles that consume them.

I am tired, sick,and everything. If only I have a better talent in life. sleeping time...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Of Love and Life

Seriously pissed for the whole day, I have no idea why! So sick of all those arrythmias and ECG. Shitty stuff! Or maybe I am just very bad at it! My fault, again.

Well, Love and life.I was so positive about it this morning and come everning, I am so tiredof this nonsense. I didn't sign up for Life! I didn't sign up for this crap reliving again and again and again, When am I going to free myself from myself? When can I start living life in the present? When can I start loving life, having hopes and dreams and have lovely things happen to me?

Not yet. I know. Not yet.It's always like that. I need to suffer now for the future, the future. Will I even have a future for God's sake? I don't know!

I am an ugly piece of dirt, crap and shit!!!!!!! I hate myself so much, nobody can understand. I have seen to many bitches and jerks in this life.Seen life being so merciless and unfair. 

I shouldn't complain.I have it much better than anyone else. Yet,everyone has their own demons. Their own troubles that consume them.

I am tired, sick,and everything. If only I have a better talent in life. sleeping time...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

1-20 of 94 Blogs   

Previous Posts
Gone were the days when we have childish recklessness as an excuse for our mistakes. Gone were the time spent contemplating about a future that never came., posted August 16th, 2014, 1 comment
What is Love?, posted August 14th, 2014
Transformers 4 :Age of Extinction, posted June 26th, 2014
I feel like a fool, posted June 3rd, 2014
Him, posted June 2nd, 2014
out, posted May 19th, 2014
The Story of Mr.Alpha Guy/Player, posted May 18th, 2014
The Wrong Guy, posted May 12th, 2014
Love, Lust or Plain Infatuation?, posted May 11th, 2014
Miss Ugly, posted May 11th, 2014
Never Let Me Go, posted April 26th, 2014
Being with him, posted April 21st, 2014
Reality Strikes, posted April 13th, 2014
I don't know why I am crying, posted April 5th, 2014
me, posted April 5th, 2014
Where is The One?, posted April 4th, 2014
Whatever that happens to me add up to my experiences in life., posted March 22nd, 2014
I knew you were trouble, posted March 17th, 2014
Of Love and Life, posted March 16th, 2014
Of Love and Life, posted March 16th, 2014
Pissed, posted March 16th, 2014
My thoughts about Religion, posted March 6th, 2014
Valentine's Day, posted February 13th, 2014
Never, posted February 3rd, 2014
My Dream, posted January 25th, 2014
my life, posted January 23rd, 2014
Social Anxiety and Withdrawal, posted January 23rd, 2014
Big Fat Loser, posted January 22nd, 2014
2014 Second Depressed Post, posted January 2nd, 2014
2014 First Depressed Post, posted January 1st, 2014
2014, posted December 31st, 2013, 2 comments
Frozen Versus Tangled?, posted December 28th, 2013
Love Story, posted December 16th, 2013
Of Luck and Life. Miss Unlucky., posted August 22nd, 2013
I am sick and tired of life's little game., posted August 21st, 2013
My Braces Diary, posted August 16th, 2013, 2 comments
Story of My Life, posted July 31st, 2013, 2 comments
Stupid Damn Life, posted July 31st, 2013
Desperate guys., posted July 30th, 2013
Wants!, posted July 30th, 2013
Creeping me out :), posted July 19th, 2013
Worst Case Scenario, posted July 16th, 2013
When fate comes along..., posted July 11th, 2013
Introvert VS Extroverts, posted July 1st, 2013
Pretty Child, Ugly Adult, posted June 22nd, 2013
Doctor? Doctor? Doctor? and Asians, posted June 3rd, 2013
Stupid Damn Life, posted May 25th, 2013
Rambles~, posted May 23rd, 2013
Fate, posted May 14th, 2013
I Want To Sleep For Eternity, posted March 4th, 2013, 1 comment
1-50 of 94 Blog Posts   

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