Isn't religion supposed to keep everyone together, instead it is tearing us apart?
So it's Valentine's Day. No biggie! ( That's what singletons say).
Okay,I admit I am single. And I will be spending my V day at home, alone. I am not mopping or feeling sad for myself in any way and neither am I envious of those lovey-dovey couples everywhere. I feel happy for them. I know how hard is it to meet,to know, to even find someone who you love and loves you back.
I have never loved a guy, in a romantic way. Never. Like, yes. Love, no,really no. I know you might think I am weird, lesbo or just really ugly.But seriously, I have seen uglier people having boyfriends. Finding love is never about how you look. It's about luck, chances and oppurtunities. It's about your demeanour, your actions, concidences. It's something that we cannot control.
I like guys who are my friends. And most of them have found their significant other. I enjoy talking to them, admire their way of thinking and handling with matters, hope to be like them because the guys I know think very far into the future and plan their life rather systematically. I never had a thing for anyone. I am being really honest here. I have no idea what a crush feels like.
I have no idea what is love.
Sometimes when I watch movies or music videos, I find it hard to understand love. Sometimes, I find it beautiful, like a-million-stars-glimmering-in-the-sky beautiful. Sometimes, I find it too insecure, too complicated, too superficial I would rather stay away from it.
I am 20. I never had an admirer neither had I admire anyone. Never had guys pouring out their feelings for me. Never had anyone who secretly had a crush on me. Never.And it makes me sad not because I am eager to find true love or anything. I am just a little frustrated because I miss having to experience those sweet, pure childhood puppy love. I am no longer a teen. If anytime in the future, I happen to love someone, I have to be commited, serious, responsible....I have passed the age of experiencing frivolous, mindless and crazy love.
That will always be something I somehow regret. Of not letting myself go, of guarding my feelings too much.
Now, I am not searching for love. On this date, at this moment, as I am typing this (1.56 am), I accept my fate of being single. From today,I will make plans for the future as a singleton. I have to envisioned myself old, alone and save up for that. I have to be stronger than so many other girls, because it is me I have to depend on in life, in many years to come, God's willing of course. I have to be more independent than so many other people who have someone to fall back on. I have no one but myself.
I am training myself now for the future. When I feel sad, I suck it all in like a vacuum. It helps, my sadness disappeared soon after. When I am happy, I reward myself. I learn to entertain myself, to feel at ease of being alone.
Maybe, I could publish a book. I have always wanted to do that. Maybe I could draw so many drawings/paintings I could make a collection. Maybe I could open a chocolate shop, like I have always dreamed of. If I save enough money, I could travel the world,like a free spirit. No commitments. No expectations.
I have always been afraid of pregnancy and delivery, maybe I never have to experience it. I know it's awaste of my ovums and girly hormones but then again, sorry mother nature, I am a 'useless human' who failed to contribute to the continuation of our species. I am sorry.
One day, I will be used to it. I may feel dejected seeing peers getting married, having kids,becoming grandmothers and grandfathers and having a 'lovely home' and 'a lovely family'. I know more about how 'lovely' ahome can be. Love fades. Love fades.
I think people just believe they are in love when they are actually not. I think love manifests when you are close to a person, and you just wanna take care of his/her feelings. And you tend to look out for them like a friend or a sibling. Love is cajoled. Love just 'don't exist'.
I am fine as long as I am happy and people stop bugging me about being single. In my country, I know I will never escape the stigma.
I am cold, distant and unapproachable, aloof, indifferent. hahah. I know myself. And I think that's the main reason why people don't just 'like' me. But it's ok. I am like an ice lolly with chocolate lava inside. I may seem cold, but I am full of warmth. Muahahaha.
I am a weird puzzle piece. Like my shape is all wrong, that's why it's so bloody hard to find someone who is compatible with me. Like, I have never known or seen any guy who I think, " Well, he's the one I have been searching for! He's that miracle..."
Ok no,no. Don't think anyone like that existed.
I guess God forgot to pair me up with some bloke. Any ways, it's their loss not mine.
I am open to relationships but I would not be so desperate till I settle with someone I don't really like and just because I am afraid of being the last single person on earth, I tell him I love him. I will never do that.
People say girls start out with really high expectations. By the time they reach 25, their expectations drop like a falling star. By 30, they just accept every option available. hahahaha
It's just something the community expects of you. Having a family. But there is always an odd one out or a 'special case' for everything.
And when it comes to this, I might just be the exception. So, it has been 5 months here. I tried looking around. I did put in some effort lol.
But no, not one chocolate cookie in my year group fits my taste. I am so sorry, I have tried taking it easy but still, not one. I think I am too weird to find someone with common interests.
Therefore, if you have found your significant other or you might have liked someone, know that you are lucky, very lucky because not everyone has someone to love them. Like me. But I am totally fine with it. :)
I need a lot of time for myself if not I will go crazy. I like doing things my way. So, I guess God knows what is best for me, and it's best for me to live this way. Love y'all. Spread thelove this Valentine's day. :)
Never found anyone to fullfill my needs.
A lonely place to be.
And I learnt to depend on ME.
~Greatest Love of All
90% of people here really wants IT! It's their dream. It's their ambition. They've always wnted to be doctors. What about me? I am so unsure. Yet I have no choice.
I thought I was fine. I thought my depression has gone for good. Two months without it and I thought I am free, I am progressing, I am slowly walking outside the box.
But no, I am not. The sadness comes gnawing on my heart again. I am haunted by all those past events that have failed me. I am not doing well here. I am not doing well in medical school. That's a sad but true fact.
Where is the girl that was once me? Where was that high achiever? Now, I see is a battered and broken soul, trying to find a meaning in life. Why did the outcome change? Why did I let myself become the person I am today.
Why am I falling? Why? I don't like the feel of it. I don'tlike the taasteof it. Falling creeps me out,it makes me unworthy.
Why does the introvert me taking controlover everything? Why did I let myself become so emotional? Where is the rational side of me.
Note to self.
Think about your parents, think about them. All they want is to see you happy.They aren't rich or perfectly healthy, neither are they young. You need to stop depending on them, on your sister, you need to start taking matters in your own hands. You have to be strong, you have to face the world like you want to conquer it. You determine your own destiny.
No more hiding. No more being afraid. Seize the world,own it because you deserve it. Stop being unsure of yourself. Have trust in yourself!
You can do it, you need to put your heart in it. You can do it. I know you can. Just focus. You are hardworking and diligent, two very valuable traits in life. I love you and I hope you continue improving day after day. Balance up your life.
Pray to god, pray that he helps you, hope that he listens.
Do you know how it feels when you would sacrifice every single thing for something and yet it isn't worth it?
How I look is what that is making me depressed. I just wanted, wanted so much to feel pretty for once.
Saw a photo of mine and freaked out. The depression came flooding back... and life starts to suck. I know 2014 won't be a fairy tale but why does the nightmare needs to start so early?
I feel sad for some reason when the realisation hits me. It's 2014. 20 years since I was born. I survived 20 years. I survived.
Despite all the chaos and drama and depression that had swallowed me whole, leaving me all helpless, wanting nothing but to escape life, there comes this fake veil of hope. The firework, the crowd, the celebration...As if something completely new is beginning.
But no, new year's day is just another day on the calendar. I used to be naive, penning out resolutions and forgetting about them at the end of the year.No matter how much I tried, I would never change myself, it just doesn't feels like me, it's like I am faking it, trying to put on a front, trying to be someone else.
So,I am skipping all these silly resolution-making process because well,it just wouldn't work. No matter how hard you try to improve yourself, how hard you try to make the year as perfect as it is, you can't. I have tried, so I know. 2014 will just be like other years, full with tears and laughter, of sadness, regrets, shocks and surprises.
I am just afraid I am not strong enough to pull through, to pull through all challenges laid before me. To feel comfortable in defeat's company, to keep raging on despite setbacks. I am afraid.
It's a new place for me, new environment, new school. I haven't really gotten used to it, haven't really found any great friends that I could depend on. It's a blur all this while. Grey smoke and raining clouds.
I hope 2014 will be less of a drama. All through high school, I have learnt to be low-profile so that I can avoid being the target. To listen with your own ears that someone wishes to 'kick your ass', my high school was a battlefield. I fought the war, surviving in the end but deeply wounded. It destroyed all trust I once have, every little bit of trust I have for humanity.
I feel vulnerable, like a open wound...I can't mend it...Neither can anyone do it for me.
I was upset for many months and that wasn't fun.I have always been upset. Because I wasn't strong enough. I was haunted by a past I could never forget...the society, the people, what they can do to keep themselves on the top. How I will always have limitations....
So, I actually do it on purpose. Giving the title of this entry 'Love Story' while in fact it is not one. So,if you're looking for some sappy love story,click away but if you're curious on what this is about, then stay on and read it.
Well, I have always been a stranger to the 'dating' scene. I have no experience of having a crush,liking somebody so much, I am willing to do everything for him. Nope,no,not yet. The main reason is because my high school is full of over-achieving, competitive, mean guys and none of them are of the same race as me.( I am not racist, they tend to prefer girls of their kind)
So, I was always in love with my books,it was my all, it was my ticket to a better life, I wanted to leave my country to study overseas. Snort* My preteen ambition...They burn in ashes before they even came true. I was stuck in this place forever.
Yes, many a time I have wondered, why am I not born in a filthy-rich family, where I can travel wherever I want, eat whatever I want and not feel guilty because it was 'too expensive'. I envy those rich,pretty and smart girls in my college who seemed like they have everything, everything they can ever wish for.
My hard work did pay off, a little. I was under a scholarship.But yet again I was thrust into a pool of rich kids who did not have to worry if their wallet fell into the toilet bowl. Those who are so cocky, they think money can solve everything.
I am not complaining. I am just narrating.
So, I know guys here 'try out' girls as if they are clothes. Ok,this one looks good on the rack, try it on, don't suit me, throw it away. Grabs another one from the rack.
It put me back in reality. I have always imagined there will be this one guy, who will suddenly appear out of the blue, and he understands all my lame jokes and really cared for me. I imagined but I never believed how can a stranger 'fall in love' with me. It is bizarre!
I don't get it how other girls get into relationships so quickly. I can never do that, my friend say I will be lonely forever because I always look so aloof. And that I don't bother with other people's existence. It doesn't help that I looked cocky too. That's sad. So many disadvantageous. I will never find anyone who would like me.
And you know how when something is good,people rush for it, fight for it. So, probably,all good guys are taken right now. All that's left are the .....ones. And I am not taken too, that means I am probably ....... as well. Sucks to be me.
So, the other day, I told my mom that it's risky to give birth in your 30's and onward. And when I say it, a thought came to me, I have officially 9 years left to find my true love, get married and get a baby. I have not enough time for it, I can't make it! And it frustrates me.
I know I sound like a whiny, young brat. But yeah, I feel old. I missed out on having a teen love. A teen love story of mistakes and betrayal, a story I would tell my kids and grandkids, if i happen to have them. I am turning 20 soon, never been in love, no crushes, no childhood sweetheart. I feel sad for myself sometimes.
But what they say it's true, when the time is gone, it's gone. There's no turning back.
I will never find that guy of my dreams anywhere, he's in my mind, he doesn't exist. It's time to think clearly,is being single the path I want? Seeing all my friends getting married, veils and puffy white gowns, flower bouquets in hand, with children and then sharing mother-in-law problems. I was sometimes alienated by my friends in high school because I didn't have a guy to talk about. It's sad but true. Will I be alienated too by the time all of them have husbands? Probably true.
Sigh, I am a disaster my whole life. Should have just slit my wrists that lovely evening when I was crying out loud because my teacher laughed at my zits in class. That wouldn't solve anything, but that take away the pain.
I wouldn't have to continue this life, trying to fit in, trying to be normal when I am not and will never be.
I have to be the unluckiest girl in the world! I just can't stand this anymore? Is this my fault? Or is it not?
It have to be,it's all my fault. Maybe I deserve it because I am a severely bad person,I must be. To see people happy, you get envious, it's a natural thing. Maybe I am born to be this way, thrown into millions of challenges, trying to escape, thinking that I have escaped, but I haven't.
Trapped in this horrible place of a world, how can I have any more faith? From which leaf can I twist and get a dew of optimism, a taste of sunshine?
People tell me to feel lucky, to attract good vibes but I am drenched and drowned in pain again and again. It is my fault, I am tired and sick of blaming anyone. They deserve everything they get, I deserved mine, every bolt of lightning, every roar of thunder, every inch of pain and discomfort and embarrassment, I deserve all of it.
I have cried long enough to collect buckets of salted tears, of shattered dreams and sorrow in this two arms of mine. The world has closed upon me, darkness and cold, my blanket. Hugging to my skin like a sin I can never shake off.
What's the point of trying, what's the point of working hard? When there's no moment of glory. Never.
I was shortchanged all my life yet I had convinced myself I deserved it. That it is my fate, the stars and moon, the stories written in the cosmos.
It's not very long that I can endure. Every step like a spear pierced into your feet. Fall for the eighth time, wake up the ninth. By the eighth step, I have fallen, a limp body, devoid of anything worth smiling in the world.
My life will never get better. It will only get worst. :(
If I ever lived in Panem, I will definitely be voted to join the Hunger Games, that's just how lucky I am.
When you're happy, you're reminded not to be too happy because things may just screw up at the last minute. When you're sad, it goes on for days and even when it's over you can't ignore that little bit of hurt,that little bit of wrenching.
I am tired, very tired of being treated like a fool, to believe there's a glimmer of hope when there's none. To keep on fighting but to no avail. To keep on wishing, keep on dreaming, keep on imagining that good things may happen to a mere mortal like me. Everyone's got problems in their life,everyone's hoping their prayers will reach God, their pain will then be washed away.
I used to believe that,if God hears me, He will help me.He wouldn't ignore me but He did every time. And there're so many people praying,so many people hoping for some miracle, when will God acknowledge my prayers, when will God finally notice me, understand me and my hardships.
Life's twist and turn of events made me sick to the stomach. I don't want to be part of this. People tell me, this is life, you can't ignore it. They look down and despise me as if I am not competent.
Yes, I am NOT. I am too tired to handle this anymore.The fire that used to burn inside me, fuelling with passion and ambition has cool down to nothing but black ash,then black speck that fly away with the wind.
I don't want to participate in this game, this battle, this challenge. I am waving a white flag.
My braces journey happened before I could think a great deal about it. I am a thinker and I am used to thinking for weeks and months or maybe years before deciding on something, I am picky like that. I hate regrets, so it probably explains why.
I knew my teeth was crooked and ugly ever since I was 9 or 10 and I had always wanted straight teeth. Braces seemed really ugly for me, but to me, it's a small sacrifice for pretty teeth. Yes, I am vain! Grins*
But what I didn't know was that putting on braces has so many procedures and most of it isn't very pleasant. I went to the dentist and was shocked when she said I need to extract 10 teeth( including 4 wizzies). For me, that was beyond ridiculous and I was very unhappy. What more, none of my teeth have holes in them.
My parents were also upset but my dentist is firm about extracting my teeth because of overcrowding. My jaw is extremely small and narrow but I have giant, rabbit teeth. No one has ever criticised me about my teeth but I know myself better,my teeth is way beyond disastrous and it keeps hurting me since my wizzies started growing. I am keen to have them fixed. I just knew I wanted straight teeth! I didn't know things that would befall me later.
Somehow, my dentist decides to take out 4 teeth,she will be extracting 2 from the right side and three days later another 2 from the left.
So,I had my separators put on. They are blue circular bands. My dentist put it in a day before extraction. I thought I didn't need pain killers because it felt like maize stuck between my teeth. I thought I could handle that but when night falls, my lower right gums felt as if the separators have razor edges and is slowly sinking and slicing my fragile gums. I opened my mouth most of the time because whenever I put a slight pressure on that tooth, I felt a dull, throbbing, aching pain radiating towards my jaws and then my cheeks.
Weeks after, I had my first extraction done in my whole life. This time I didn't cry, scream and create drama like I did the last time I visited my dentist when I was 4?
I read, researched but I couldn't let myself watch a video of the process, too gross.The only thing I could remember and can almost feel even now is how those thin needles menacingly slicing into my gums despite having some kind of numbing ointment applied to it minutes before. I grabbed the dental assistants hand like my life depends on it. It's scary, really. And I have to go through it twice.
I closed my eyes shut and I knew I was frowning throughout the whole extraction process. I didn't know what to expect and I was thinking of God all the time. The dentist used some apparatus (I refused to look at it, to prevent myself from having a panic attack), and push and shove and tug on my teeth like it's just some piece of stubborn stick stuck in the mud, honestly....It's all quite sadistic to me.
I can imagine blood gushing out from my gums like volcano lava but my dentist didn't once flinch. A nurse had her hand on each side of my face to stabilise it and the warmth from her hand made the process felt much better.
The night before extracting another 2 teeth from the left side, I got into a nervous attack and was so scared I almost cried. I didn't want to go through the whole process again. I know I am such a whiner. But, I have always been a nerve wreck.
Somehow, I went into the dental clinic, sat on the chair and went through the same horrifying process. But this time I was given twice as many injections. When my dentist was extracting my tooth from the lower left jaw, there was some problem. It was sooo tight! My dentist tried all her might, tugging and pulling on it, I could hear cracking sounds. Was my tooth broken? I wasn't sure.
But my heart started racing. She stopped and then continued. She looked over my x-ray a few times and continued tugging as usual. She mumbled something along the lines of," I don't like the look of this!" and I was getting more and more horrified. After trying for the third/fourth time, I lost count, my tooth came out and I can hear her say," This tooth has a really long root!" And I can't even bare to open my eyes and observe the long root because I knew it would be bloody.
I could feel fluid, blood of course rushing into my throat, it tasted salty and when I was told to rinse, my spit was bright red. My dentist continued with the upper left tooth and it came out much faster. My dentist said something about me being brave but in my heart I was llike,"Really? But I am soooo afraid, I am literally shivering like a dry leaf in an autumn's day". I wonder whether she says that to all of her patients.
I came back and felt unwell. I don't feel like talking or eating. I could feel four gaps in my mouth and I could hardly speak clearly. I feel so disabled like a toothless old man and I keep telling myself, this is a treatment, it's to make things better! I wasn't very reassured by myself.
I don't want to go through another extraction,it wasn't very very very painful but it was very very uncomfortable and creepy. I never imagined myself going through this but I did. When the numbing wore off, my gums were very achy and I keep swallowing pain killers.
Next up, is putting on molar bands, cementing them, and it creeps me out too. When will my braces journey start being good?
And I haven't even put on braces yet....
When I was young, my parents used to cane me,like always.My mother has used the belt, the hanger, the cane, and whatever you can imagine. Once, she scratched my face and there were scars and when my ballet teacher asked about that, I need to stop myself from crying and told her it was my cat that scratched me. I didn't even have a cat,for that matter. Whenever I beg my parents not to cane, they blamed me and told me to,'Stop acting scared!".It happens all the time and to have parents that think of you like that, until now I have no idea how to explain how disappointed, how hurt I was emotionally.
When I was young,my grandmother creates the most trouble in the family. She used to scold me every time and comment on everything I do saying that I was rude,disrespectful to her. My dad sided her all the time. We never really had family vacations because of a grandmother staying at our place. It's as if our whole life has been presented to her on a platter for her to destroy.And she makes my parents fight often. Imagine, such a horrible living environment. I grew up with that. And till now, she's such a burden but most of the time, I act as though she doesn't exist.
My mother worshiped her sisters like Gods but they were devils. When I was small, they love making fun of me and,outcasting my sister and I. We have to follow whatever plans they made and attend whatever events they had, even though we don't feel like it.We need to beg them and goon with their stupid games just for a cup of mango juice.We can't have to much of chicken, or too much of fish because they will comment how unhealthy of us for not liking vegetables.They judge us even though we were 5 years old. I don't see myself doing this to kids. They all should die being burnt.
My mother would force me to go to whatever events they carry out. When I am there, they act as if I don't exist but my mother insist that I must go, because she's such a donkey! I fought with her numerous times and she's got to act as if it's my fault. I don't want to go to my aunt's place, that's a big sin? And my mother say I am against her sister, she is shallow and she follows them around like a mule. I can't respect this kind of person even though she's my mother.
There are loads of things that happen to me when I am a kid, growing up with parents who never understand me. I am so sick of this life. Nothing makes me happy anymore.I should just die. And let the haters hate. Let them judge if it's what they want. I am really upset that I have to meet bad people in my life.
I don't know what made me so angry and pissed off and furious today. I just hate this world and what it's made of. My mom is the world's most difficult person. I am so sick of her and everyone else.Seriously, I don't care if I died, there's nothing in this world I will ever miss.This need of needing to breathe, why must I even feel it.
Stupid parents! They just know how to call you ungrateful but in truth they are the most difficult people to deal with. I am sick of them and everyone else.
And they can question me, why am I like that, it's all because of your stupid extended families and everything. And they expect me not to feel?
Doesn't mean all parents are loving, understanding and perfect. It just made them parents. Annoying! And we have to follow everything they do and whatever they say.
I remember every bad thing that happen in my life. I will forever remember them and I hate people. People are just the most evil things being created on earth.
Cute face, skinny body, wearing a dress.
Random guy: OMFG,make her by girlfriend!
That's how desperate guys are nowadays!
I wish I could shop without thinking for once. It will be very therapeutical! Aching for a shopping spree!!!!!
People creep me out. And they creep me out for all the wrong reasons.
I regret having conversations with some people, really. It's like I feel they would use it against me one day.It creeps me out and I am regretting my actions now. I've known he's a creep but I went along anyway. Shouldn't have take any risks. Shouldn't have put myself in a vulnerable spot. It scares me. I don't want to wallow in self-pity in the future.
Don't ever play with fire. Don't entice the Devil!
People are so unpredictable, it's scary.I don't wanna get embarrassed or anything. Help me! *squeek*
Sometimes, I lie to myself to think I am normal, to think that I am just like any other 19 year olds around. But the truth is, I am not. I can never be anything like them; frivolous and free from responsibilities, experiencing everything a teenage girl would feel. I could not and the only thing standing in my way is myself and fate.
You know the saying, when something goes so wrong you can't imagine it becoming worst, it will. That's happening to me right now. I know in life, there will never be a time when nothing bad goes wrong and everything goes on smoothly,it doesn't even happen in fairy tales,how can it ever be reality?
To help myself survive the unpredictable future, I always imagine the worst case scenario, if I can handle that, then I can handle life.But this time, I fail to put myself in the worst condition. I fail to see it coming. I fail to imagine myself in such a bad state, but nothing can be done now. I am already buried in my own grave.
I thought my worst case scenario was choosing the course I hate and living in a faraway place,far away from my home, my family. But God's not letting me off the hook. That's the way people feel before they take their own life. Trapped. Trapped in a place they never imagined themselves would be. Regrets rushed into their brains like toxic thoughts. Sometimes, you don't need a weapon to kill you.
I can never imagine myself ending in such a situation. Stuck in a place I dislike, with someone who will have full control over me, who will despise me and make my life a living hell, 5 years is never a short time, and studying a course that doesn't suit me. And having to pull my parents into the quicksand that's consuming me, my life's just turned rotten.
I may have to stop studying and start working.My future's at stake. My life's ending before it has even begun.
19 years of hardship and depression, yet I brave myself through it, with tears, blood and sweat that clung to my body like another skin.I despair. I have no control over what's going to happen. I am so scared but there's no one to reassure me that everything's is ever gonna be okay.
It's all my fault. I can't believe my life's gonna end up like that.I am too upset to even think right now.
I am so unsure about everything. My life's a big mess. The worst case scenario is finally happening before my eyes.
Previous PostsMy thoughts about Religion, posted March 6th, 2014
Valentine's Day, posted February 13th, 2014
Never, posted February 3rd, 2014
My Dream, posted January 25th, 2014
my life, posted January 23rd, 2014
Social Anxiety and Withdrawal, posted January 23rd, 2014
Big Fat Loser, posted January 22nd, 2014
2014 Second Depressed Post, posted January 2nd, 2014
2014 First Depressed Post, posted January 1st, 2014
2014, posted December 31st, 2013, 2 comments
Love Story, posted December 16th, 2013
Of Luck and Life. Miss Unlucky., posted August 22nd, 2013
I am sick and tired of life's little game., posted August 21st, 2013
My Braces Diary, posted August 16th, 2013, 2 comments
Story of My Life, posted July 31st, 2013, 2 comments
Stupid Damn Life, posted July 31st, 2013
Desperate guys., posted July 30th, 2013
Wants!, posted July 30th, 2013
Creeping me out :), posted July 19th, 2013
Worst Case Scenario, posted July 16th, 2013
When fate comes along..., posted July 11th, 2013
Introvert VS Extroverts, posted July 1st, 2013
Pretty Child, Ugly Adult, posted June 22nd, 2013
Doctor? Doctor? Doctor? and Asians, posted June 3rd, 2013
Stupid Damn Life, posted May 25th, 2013
Rambles~, posted May 23rd, 2013
Fate, posted May 14th, 2013
I Want To Sleep For Eternity, posted March 4th, 2013, 1 comment
If Death Was A Solution, posted March 4th, 2013
Is Life Worth It?, posted February 20th, 2013, 1 comment
I Desperately Need Inspiration, posted February 15th, 2013
What is?Love?, posted February 4th, 2013, 1 comment
The Unlucky One, posted January 16th, 2013
Gender Inequality, posted January 14th, 2013
Pretty People Have Stinking Attitudes, posted January 2nd, 2013
I Am Happy, posted December 11th, 2012, 1 comment
The Overachiever, posted November 27th, 2012, 2 comments
Miss Social Outcast, posted September 7th, 2012
Just A Little Alone Time, posted August 29th, 2012, 2 comments
Instincts, posted August 19th, 2012
Bitter, posted August 19th, 2012
Everyone can be pretty with just a little bit of dignity, posted August 19th, 2012, 1 comment
I Want To...., posted August 19th, 2012
The Hunger Games Vs Twilight, posted March 28th, 2012
Problems, problems and problems again...., posted March 27th, 2012
God's Greatest Creation, posted March 23rd, 2012
Why Must It Be This Way?, posted March 21st, 2012
I Should Have never Been Born, posted March 21st, 2012, 3 comments
Just Feelings, posted March 17th, 2012
I Am Afraid Of The Future But I Want To Leave The Past Behind, posted March 9th, 2012
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