What is?Love? | fuglygirlonthebench's Blog

I believe in love but only the sort that exist within the bloodline. In other words,love ties within the family, how a mother would sacrifice anything for her child, how hard a father would work and yet not complain about it, how everyone in a family would share their joy and happiness and stick together when bad things befall.That's the love I have faith in. I knew I could trust my parents although many a time they had let me down, making conclusions for themselves when they are unable to understand me,and therefore misjudging and misunderstand me.I am aware there's this wide gap between me and my parents, yet I have faith in them.I know with all my heart, as long as they're alive, healthy and breathing, they will support me in whatever they think is good for me.

Even within family, there are bad seeds, jealous aunts, manipulative uncles, serpent-like cousins.It's scary! We share the same genes and the same blood runs in our veins yet there're lies, hate, deception, fake accusations. I digress. How can you ever expect someone, a stranger out there,to love you, to give his all to you, to be loyal, to stand behind you in whatever you do?It seems far-fetched,. Impossible even. I would love to believe true love exist. I still enjoy watching fairy tales though and I still daydream about that one perfect guy, that 'soul mate', that majestic prince riding on a handsome black stallion in the winds. Well, that's child's play. If you have kids and you're reading this, I am begging you to keep them off those superficial fairy tales and 'happily ever afters' and fairy godmother bullshit. Life can't be anymore different than what is portrayed!

Love. It's such a foreign word to me. I love my family, my parents and sister, that is.  But in my 19 years of life, I have never fallen in love with a guy before. I know you're questioning my sexuality now. hahaha. I am straight, I am sure of that.Yeah, I have been attracted to guys, but it's because I just admire their features, the way they carry themselves, but the line's drawn there. I can be friends with them, I like them but I have no idea how can someone fall for a someone, I don't know how to put this, there's no security in love.I find it ludicrous to expect someone to love you so much from now and 70 years down the road. 

Love turns into responsibility soon enough and you have to commit, you have to care about the other half and then love needs work, you need to keep the relationship sizzling and then you get married and have to deal with annoying in-laws, and then come the kids, exhaustion, more responsibility, hard work, debts, problems, troubles. How can there be anymore love???

When people think they're in love, that's just stupid. How should they know it's love. You like a girl because she's hot. If there's true love in this goddamn world, why are there still people complaining that they're fat, why do the cosmetic industry bloom like wild mushrooms , why do girls care about looking pretty and why do guys need to torture themselves for muscles? If love is about some unknown connection that can magically exist between two person, why do girls swoon over that hunky senior? Why do guys tremble beneath the stare of the most gorgeous girl in school?

If love is not about lust, why do lingerie sales flourish everywhere in the world?  Love from a man. That's what every girl needs. They yearn for attention, for security. But how much security can a guy give them??? I don't trust any of this crap! I want to say; I don't need a guy! but I know my mother will slice me into pieces and cook me in a bubbling pot of soup. If I can make enough money, that's the security I will get.Yeah, I will be lonely and I will envy couples once in a while but I don't trust guys, how can I? Guys, visual beyond repair, the minute they see another girl with prettier eyes, longer legs and a cloy smile, that's it! that's it! They're just like crows looking for shiny metals in the sun, hopping from one to another. Let's talk about being loyal!

No, I haven't been hurt before. I just don't trust guys that's why I choose to be single, It's hard for me to fall in love. I can't stand flattery and compliments. It makes me uncomfortable. If all you can give is that, I don't need any 'extra baggage' in my life. I don't know, it's like my heart is locked, I don't trust love and I don't trust guys. I don't trust that anything in this wretched world has any permanent effect. Love,it just doesn't exist.Lust, you see it everywhere around the corner. 

 Love, I need to see it proven right before my eyes. If a guy is willing to sacrifice for me, willing to love me even though I look like the grossiest thing alive, then that's love. Till then, I will be totally cynical about it.