Is Life Worth It? | fuglygirlonthebench's Blog

Well,it's just disheartening to know that life's just a crazy little game. Your heart gets broken, your dreams crushed.Everything's awry and when it's not, life's just a big boring mess, I know it's pretty crazy but that's just how I feel. I scowl all the time. I yearn for escapism. To leave this world, to connect with the waters, the air, the elements of Earth, to feel exactly what is freedom. To never look back, to never miss life even the slightest bit. I know I sound like a psychopath, I probably am. This is because of the way life had treated me in the past. It's like I can never forgive it, I am so afraid of it, every day's a living nightmare. I don't know what's bound to happen to me in the future. The unexpected, the future,they creep me out all the time. I live every day in paranoia. I feel worn out sometimes, I tremble and break out cold sweat whenever I thought about the inevitable. It's like the world is manipulating me, it's controlling me and I hated that feeling.

The feeling of being controlled and played. My life, it's written out there in the vapours, morning mists,crushed hopes,failure played in my ears like a thousand of rhyming melody. I just wanna give up sometimes, give up whatever that is left of me, that little speckle of hope in me. I have never done anything right. Every path I tread was a mistake, every choice I made should be regretted, every moment of breath was like fire to my skin. I can give up certain things but if it's not worth it, what's the point of me doing that. What's the point of life? I forgot how to smile, I forgot what was happiness. I am like a snail who lost its shell, vulnerable and scared. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't wanna pray because I am afraid if my wishes aren't granted, I will blame God.This life, it's me who make it like this. I could always live life another way, but because of my incapabilities, I was not given an option.

I would give anything for success, but In guess it's to late now, too late for anything.